who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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