my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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