Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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