Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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