If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
