somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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