Yo dont text me then not text me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
