were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
