and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize