Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
