why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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