I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize