The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
