He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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