I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
