if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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