If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
