just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
