So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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