well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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