Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
