I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
only you would photoshop your dick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
