the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
