i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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