Who wears a wallet chain?!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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