I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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