He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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