Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
