"it" just moved
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
