Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my poor anus
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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