so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
