dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
