some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
