Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
