I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
