at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
