Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
