no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
