Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
