I could make wine with my vomit
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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