I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
