dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
