FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
