I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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