i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
