Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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