Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize