just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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