i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
