he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I met the friendliest cop last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
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She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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