Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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