I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
