Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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