Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
