Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
