The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
