one two three fourrrrnication!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
