I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me I should be a condom model.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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