But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
