I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
