dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
