I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
