alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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