Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
