her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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