and you said cock pushups were impossible
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
