between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
