Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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